W5 and the rest of Summer 10 - Enough

That's enough of this nonsense. A bunch more stuff happened and then Royal Pain won finals, but it was close. They did it whilst eating Blue Cheese.

W4 - Crayons, Wives, Surgery, Date Night, Tradition, Gangs, and Fish

Tuesday's Colorathon at the Riverside YMCA was a real hit. Notable French bowler, Blue Cheese, was there as were several representatives of webuygold.com. As these characters entered the premises, they were given boxes of crayons and colored pencils, respectively. In the crayon box given to Blue Cheese, there were 12 varieties. Somewhat surprisingly, webuygold.com was only given 10 different colored pencils.

The affluent members of the East River Second Wives Society met for dinner on Wednesday. They had much to discuss regarding the merits of their newfound vegetarianism. Naturally, all 15 of them ordered Tossed Salads. Wine came complimentary with their meals, yet only 12 of them tried the Vintage Merlot.

On Thursday, Richard III Gere put his feet up outside the Riverside Hospital. He'd been doing surgeries all morning and afternoon and was taking a much needed breather. In a moment, he'd be called back in to perform his 15th operation, this time on a young girl's brain. As he contemplated this task, he realized only 7 of his patients, so far, had complained of Royal Pain.

Fire Crotch was finishing up her shower on Friday evening, preparing for her date with the tall, handsome fellow known as Slick. He was going to take Fire to the Cuisine de Riverside, a fancy new restaurant on the west side. Drying her bright red hair, Fire looked at the clock and panicked. Slick would be there in 15 minutes. "Oh no!" she thought. "I still have 12 things to do!"

The religions of Riverside were swelling on Sunday. Richard III was bringing several of his children into the Catholic fold at his church's First Communion celebration. In total, 15 of Richard's children received their first Eucharistic sacrament. Down the street, at the Synagogue, the children of a few of webuygold.com's representatives were becoming Bnei and Bnot Mitzvah. 4 of these youngsters read from the Torah and became responsible adults.

Earlier on Sunday, two of Riverside's most ferocious gangs met to discuss confusions due to their not-so different affiliate colors. Apparently, 11 members of Blue Cheese (not related to the bowling star of the same name) had been arrested for 15 separate crimes committed by Royal Pain. You see, Blue Cheese wears royal blue bandanas whereas Royal Pain's bandanas are navy blue. Considering how sweaty one gets when committing crimes in the summer and the fact that the local cops are color blind, it's virtually impossible to tell these gangs apart. Details of what, if any, resolution between the gangs was reached are sketchy, though it appears Royal Pain got its way.

At Inwood Pond, several people were weighing fish. This one guy weighed a Black one at 13lbs. Then a Maroon one was found that weighed 10lbs. Out in the water, they caught a Red one weighing 11lbs. and then a 14-pound Green one got away.

Later on, they couldn't find the Black one and some guy had carved a "W" on the Red one. Across the pond, they played catch with the Maroon one, tossing it back and forth 7 times. While this was happening, 13 different people said they saw the Green one swimming around.

W3 - Beach, Boats, Bowling, Beer Tents, and Baskets

After losing the drinking contest two days prior, the Winos got their sweet revenge on Fire Crotch at Riverside Beach. Challenging the Crotch to a stone skipping contest, the Winos threw an epic 15-skipper which bested the Crotch's 12-skip by three.

Gold was the color of the late summer sun skidding off the clouds above the East River on Wednesday. Ironically, popular website webuygold.com had chartered a golden 14-foot yacht for the day. Some TV doctor got a Royal Pain when he realized the boat he chartered was a mere 11-footer.

Thursday and Friday hosted the annual Riverside Bowling Extravaganza. The first bout saw a matchup between a recycling vegetarian and a tall, dark, handsome character with excessive hair grease. After two frames, the Veggie, who received a chant of "Tossed Salad" from the crowd after every ball, had knocked down 15 pins. Slick was behind with only 9 pins down.

The next day, cheers erupted as Richard III and his opponent, an older French gentleman, chose their balls. The Frenchman, who was formally known as Blue Cheese, seemed nervous and smoked 10 cigarettes before bowling. Not to be outdone in any way, Richard III Gere lit up and puffed through 15 Lucky Strikes.

Several Winos were hanging around the beer tent at Riverside on Sunday. They were feeling pretty good after their stone skipping victory on Tuesday. That is until those Navy sailors showed up again and challenged them to another drinking contest. Considering that they are Winos, they were only able to drink 8 beers. The Navy however, downed 14; impressive considering Fleet Week was three weeks ago.

Earlier at the tent, Fire Crotch walked in on a scene involving a feather boa and Blue Cheese. Fire really wanted to be the mascot for the day's events and tried to take the boa from Blue Cheese but it was stuck to some mold. As Fire pulled and tugged, the boa burst into pieces and 14 feathers landed on the Cheese, 11 landed on the Crotch.

Uptown, the Inwood Basket Weaving Contest was in full swing. By late afternoon, representatives of webuygold.com had woven 15 baskets while Richard III could not maneuver his armored hands fast enough and only stitched together 12. Of all the baskets that had been woven, Tossed Salad was put into 15 of them and Slick oil was poured into 11.

As might be expected, the Slick drained out of each of the baskets. As it drained, it flowed over 15 items of junk gold. 12 pieces of Gold survived and were eventually purchased on the Internet.

With the weaving contest concluding, Richard III started eating another Tossed Salad. He took 14 bites and was satisfied. 9 leaves of lettuce were left in the baskets.

W2 - Bars, Conventions, Towers, Gardens, and a Library

Richard III Gere and a bunch of Winos walked into a bar on Tuesday and got in what you might call a scuffle. By the end, Richard III had knocked out 15 of their merlot-soaked teeth and the Winos could only punch 7 small holes in Dick III's chainmail with their corks.

The Slick flowed over a pile of Blue Cheese on Wednesday, drowning it in moldy, oily sorrow.

Webuygold.com continued their Internet popularity this Thursday with 15 more hits. The ever-appealing Fire Crotch was on hand during this download fest and flirted with 8 hackers.

On Friday, a Tossed Salad was served to a savage old woman. She took 12 bites of the salad and 11 of them caused her even more Royal Pain. You might say the Tossed Salad was victorious.

Sunday, near the top of Riverside tower, a few things were seen. First 15 Gold pieces were lying around and they were quickly bought on the Internet. While this was happening, the Slick rose up the tower but only got up 14 floors. Elsewhere, in the garden, Richard III was eating a Tossed Salad. He ate the whole thing.

At the Inwood library, things were not very quiet. Some Fire Crotch stirred up a ruckus drinking 15 bottles of chardonnay in the children's section. The snooty Winos were also among the stacks with their trendy merlot. They only downed 12 bottles though.

Nearby, between religion and the social sciences, Old Man Jeff was complaining about how his recent diet was causing him discomfort. The poor old fella seemed a bit confused and was repeating himself. By the end of his diatribe, some teenagers hidden in the psychology section had counted 14 "Royal Pain" utterances and 12 mentions of "Blue Cheese."

Later on, back in the stacks, 15 sailors from the Navy had some words with 5 of the drunk Winos. Clearly outmatched, it was a rather embarrassing affair for the Winos.

At the circulation desk, the Fire Crotch looked up books on the relationship between hair color and tendency to put out. The library only had 9 books on the subject. There were 13 books on Blue Cheese, however.

W1 - Rain, Battle, Picnics, iPhones, Parties

Heavy rains poured throughout Riverside County on Tuesday June 1 and it kept the creeping Slick at bay for the rest of the week. That same night Old Man Jeff stayed inside watching Royal Pain reruns on a fringe network.

The sun cleared the way on Wednesday and crusaders everywhere felt a twinge of masculinity as Richard III Gere made his way toward the East River for the first time ever. There at the battle field, Richard encountered a red-headed foe he'd been meaning to shove around. Dick III landed 15 solid blows while the Fire Crotch managed only 7.

On Thursday, back in Riverside County, things were a bit drier and several people went out for a picnic. A survey was done on what people were bringing to the picnic and Blue Cheese seemed to be the favorite, with Tossed Salad coming in a close second.

By Friday results from the survey were still being tallied and it seemed more people were surfing their idevices for www.webuygold.com than were drinking Merlot. What will we do with these struggling Vintage Winos?

The Slick had advanced 12 miles by Sunday. It seemed to be trying to catch Richard III, but Mr. Gere had walked 13 miles that day. Meanwhile Fire Crotch had some Royal Pains, 10 of them to be precise. Fire Crotch managed to scratch itself 8 times by the evening.

Also at the Inwood party on Sunday, 15 people checked out www.webuygold.com while only 10 people googled "Tossed Salad." At the hors d'oeuvres table, 10 people tried the Blue Cheese though the Vintage Merlot was rather popular with 15 samplers. Later on in the day, those 15 Winos were quite drunk on the Merlot and 11 Tossed Salads were being eaten. Toward the end of the party, 15 more people were browsing webuygold.com but 14 people were throwing chunks of Blue Cheese at them.

Competitive Summer 2010 Begins

Welcome to the narrative non-sequitur experience of Competitive Summer 2010. Spirit, as always, is high despite its nonsensical apparatus.